I feel as though my emotions have just taken a swift, sharp ride in a blender. Boarding the plane to leave India I felt so sad to leave, my heart was not ready to go after the mental mountains that were climbed, I thought we were just getting started?
So it happened. I arrived home. It is hard.
Returning home was a huge culture shock… This was hard to wrap my head around after finding myself living in a humbled state for the past three months. This is going to take a lot of adjusting to go back to the “ordinary” the ordinary is not my territory, not my stomping ground. I have come home feeling like a complete alien, a black sheep, not knowing where I fit in anymore.
The hardest part is that India changed me in ways that I cannot explain. Words will never do it justice, it is the unexplainable. So how can I expect people to respect or understand this internal shift if I cant even articulate it? I don’t have this figured out so if you could help me out with some advice I would appreciate that alot.
I have moved back to my parents house to adjust, plan my next move and save some cash. There is something so stalling and un-forfilling about this in-between state that I cant quite shake. One would assume I would be equipped with all the tools to deal with this grind after my experiences but to be honest, I have never felt so unprepared. I am just taking it one day at a time and remembering to take moments throughout the day to …breathe.
Not so long ago I was waking to the flowing sound of Mother Ganga, Monkeys outside my window and daily Pranayama, Meditation and Asanas in their most authentic form.
I remember one afternoon so distinctly, it all clicked. I was walking down to my favourite beach area on the Ganga and the sun was at that magic point in the sky where it makes everything golden and the water glisten. There was a herd of water buffalo travelling in the same direction, they were so peaceful, so big, so calm and completely unaffected by my presence. I walked between them with adrenaline and awe, I felt myself release and surrender to the moment. As I sat down to meditate on this high frequency a small puppy placed himself on my lap and we began to cuddle. It was the perfect exchange of love. A love between myself and nature. Mother Nature never fails to deliver healing powers that don’t come from a prescription pad, powers that are potent with instant results. The only prerequisite is that we are present.
Every day during my last week I would look at the calendar and feel crushed when I looked at the date on my return ticket. I knew my time was drawing to an end. I tried to ignore it but the thought would sneak its way into my days making me feel nostalgic before I even left. I predicted my future, having to perhaps find a part time job while I run my blog. I would be returning home where things were not as vibrant, I love my home but the intensities of India make any place look a little stagnant. also when I left for India my life was in a grey zone. (You can read a little about that time in this post) so coming home didn’t seem so bright to me after the technicolour life I had been living in India.
So I am at the stage where there are a lot of sleepless nights just wondering what the hell I am doing with my life?
I have this longing to be on the road again living a nomadic lifestyle, feeding my curiosity, expanding my worldly view and connecting with nature. I crave to express and share this feeling through my writing so I can only hope the answer to my question “what the hell am I doing with my life?” will have a resolution of writing full time. For now, its my part time venture.
Having just arrived home, limited cash and in search of my next adventure I feel caged, I feel like a bird with clipped wings, knowing what is out there, knowing what I am capable of but unable to take flight. The reality really hits that spot in your chest that makes you feel heavy and your throat feel lumpy, I’m sure you know what I’m talking about.
Like anything that brings an earthquake to our life, time heals, so I want you to know, if you feel this way, you’re not alone, we all go through these post travel blues.
This is the best time for us to connect with ourselves. I have learned that its not only through our highs that we connect but also through our lows. Do not dismiss this feeling, rather, explore it. See where it takes you internally. This internal exploration never stops no matter where you are on this globe, just sometimes its much harder than others.
Also, cut yourself some slack! Ill reiterate again, coming home is not easy! You have won half the battle by showing yourself a little compassion.
THANK YOU FOR READING
How do you adjust when going back to the ordinary?
Leave me a comment below ????
Join me on my never ending adventure..
Facebook – www.facebook.com/awanderlustsoul/
Instagram – www.instagram.com/awanderlustsoul
Twitter – twitter.com/awanderlustsoul
Youtube – www.youtube.com/user/KimMakeupArtist
Pinterest – www.pinterest.com/xwanderlustsoul/