In honour of keeping raw about my experiences and lessons during my 500RYT Training I have experienced my first low since arriving in India. Today is the first time since arriving that I do not know a single soul around me. As I lie staring blankly at the ceiling of my home to be for the next two months my mind is a tsunami of thoughts and I cant keep up as I try to digest all of these new sensations that have passed through me over the past few weeks here. I have been too busy to answer the door to these uninvited thought patterns that come knocking unannounced. I am 100% alone leaving my mind in a vulnerable position. This stagnant feeling is something I have not felt for months now, I have been working so hard to overcome the part of my mind that enjoys tearing down my passions, love and positivity.
I reflect trying to identify triggers for this painful and constricting feeling that has taken over so suddenly. My day started off pretty rough with my taxi driver dropping me in the middle of a busy Bazaar, instead my accommodation, we argued for a while but the language barrier was too difficult and I could feel myself becoming too frustrated to deal with him any longer. I paid the 150 Rupees we agreed to earlier and I was left to find my way.
Never have I never walked so far in the heat of the day in India with 15kg of backpack strapped on my back, 10kg at the front and a yoga mat to my side whilst squishing through tight crowds with people yelling at me ‘Ma’am you need room? YOU NEED ROOM! YOU COME! Nice room Ma’am. Ma’am you like my shop? Just one look”… I’m so happy that I went to visit my Ashram yesterday so I had some sense of where I was going. I might have thrown my bags down and had a ‘I need my mummy and daddy’ moment if I had to find my way in addition to everything else that was overwhelming me….but really, who is going to have sympathy for a tantrum throwing western girl in the middle of an Indian street?
All I needed was a hug and for someone to acknowledge the testing time I had just experienced but I was completely and utterly alone. The only thing I can do now is drift off to sleep hoping that this feeling has passed when I wake.
Rising from my sleep at 4pm I am feeling groggy, heavy and dehydrated, I slip in and out of sleep for a further half hour making excuses as to why I shouldn’t get up until my rational side kicks in. I force myself out of bed and sit on my yoga mat for 5 minutes before any form of movement happens. I start with child’s pose as this is all I can muster the motivation for. I stay here for a further five minutes until I find the energy to transition into a downward dog and start to flow from here. I feel the energy returning back to my body as the blood starts circulating with every transition. I feel like I have won just by sitting on that mat and doing something instead of allowing my mind to suppress and defeat me. Not anymore. Just nope.
The first friend I made here is an energetic guy from the Phillipines who uses my name so enthusiastically and loves to use the word awesome. I absorbed so many vibes from this guy I couldn’t help but smile and I felt my energy levels sky rocket. I asked him what his name is.. Im not sure if he heard me correctly, his response was “Awesome Kimberley, this is awesome.”
So I am yet to find out if my new Phillipino friend has a name or if it is in fact “Awesome”, either way I think this is what I will be calling him from now on.
The second friend I made is Margot from Sydney, Australia. I cant even describe how comforting it is to hear that sweet familiar accent that I have been missing. Margot is the first Australian I have encountered on my travels here. Instantly we click sharing so many similarities and already my smile grows even bigger than before. She speaks in Metaphors and feelings which is the exact language I speak.
Already my state from the morning feels like a distant memory and almost too contrasting to recognise. The creeping greyness I felt concerned me as I thought moments like these were well and truely behind me but as Margot said to me on the rooftop of our new home “Not every day is going to be a good one, but it does make the good days even sweeter.” So wise and exactly what I needed to hear.
Today I am a winner. Taking control is part of what I am here to accomplish and my first step was getting on that matt when the odds were against me.
My first two friends both helped me tremendously. They helped me to see that you’re not alone no matter how alone you feel. Sometimes all you need is spontaneous conversations with the right people to get you back on track.
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500RTY Journal entries are posts about my raw experience of the highs, lows, challenges and lessons during my Yoga Training in India. I have a diverse range of posts here on A Wander Lust Soul. If you’re looking for something a little different I recommend checking out the below posts…
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